“Give me ten reasons why I should break up with him”. Is the question I asked my friend when I was seeking advice concerning a certain relationship. As if self doubt was not enough. I knew the answer to that question but I needed approval. No. Not wanted. I needed it. Besides I didn’t want to admit it. Perhaps the confirmation of what my pal would tell me would be enough. Enough for me to call it quits. I trusted her and her judgement and her advice.
” Maria, you don’t need ten reasons. You just don’t love him. Just end it”. End it she said. What do you mean “end it”? Do you think it is that simple, with a snap of a finger and a click of a button it ends just like that? There has been time and emotions spent into the relationship. How does it just come to an abrupt end?
Her answer bugged me for days. You know funny thing this would be the same sort of advise I would give a friend(s) if they needed my help and were stranded about what to do with a guy they didn’t like anymore. Talk about not taking your own advice. Is this what people refer to as ” preaching water and drinking wine”? I am so i that category. How do you take your own advice? Would a therapist do that? That wouldn’t be right. Would it?
So after thinking about it for a really long time I did. I finally broke it off. It was the hardest time ever. I felt guilty, I felt uncomfortable, there was all sorts of emotions running through. It was a damn cocktail whirling up in my head and heart. This cocktail of emotions just kept stirring. You know how hard it was to let him go? After investing so much time. This whole time I had been eating a stale cake. You know how there is a bad taste in the mouth but you just wanna keep going because you bought it with your money and it shouldn’t go to waste? That’s exactly what I was doing.
As a matter of fact, he had once used emotional blackmail. And oh my goodness did it work. The guilt ate me up. I was slowly dying but this revelation by my friend wanted me to become better. It was a “get out before you regret it” type of thing. Being stuck in something that does not give comfort is hard. Expecting things to change when clearly it’s been what? Two years? And nothing was happening is such a waste of precious time. Sometimes I sit and wonder if things had worked in reverse. Perhaps if given another chance he would have worked his way up. No? Yes? Maybe??? But no. A cheetah can’t change it’s spots. Right?
If you ever feel stuck, ask yourself is it for the right reasons? Or are you doing it to please people because you want to be considered as “being in a relationship” or not experience guilty emotions.