This past Sunday, I attended a concert. It was the 10th anniversary of a friend who dances and sings. Wow what gifts and talents he has. As he was dancing to a song, I couldn’t help but let it sink into my mind. The lyrics,the beats, the rhthym, just everything about the song made me feel worth it. It goes something like this. It is a song by Lecrae and Lori Kelly
Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But when you got nobody to turn to
Just hold on and I’ll find you.
When you listen to the song, the lyrics themselves what do they say to you? Does it speak some sort of positivity to you? Does it encourage you?
Last year I was going through some tough situations. To some people it might seem really small, but it made me lose so much hope. Have you ever been in a really tight spot, it’s like you’ve been enclosed in a box and you’re wondering what to do? I was in that tight spot. Things just didn’t seem to work out.
Small things wouldn’t get me excited at all. Things like getting out of bed, taking a walk, smiling. You know? Such things. Big things like weddings, baby showers, you know such kind of emotional journeys wouldn’t really matter. I mean putting on a façade every single day was the norm.
Besides who cared? Everyone for themselves and God for us all. Isn’t that what we live by? It is todays world. You die with your issues, problems, your what nots… Shauri yako.
When life took a toll, it felt so difficult. Who would care anyway?
And then to top it all off, losing a source of income. I couldn’t have that. But why were these things happening? Wasn’t I a good human being? Didn’t I deserve to be happy? When my birthday arrived, there was no point in celebrating it. Why celebrate and it is just going to be more years of pain? Grief, maybe more loss? Cheers to that? Heck no. Ai apana.
What kind of life had I subjected myself to? A life of so much, thinking that things weren’t working out. Have you ever been in such a hopelessness?
Thank goodness that I didn’t get to the point of negative 0 because who knows where I ‘d be right now?
Boy did I fight to get back on my feet and stop depressing myself. Yes. That’s the word. I was slowly depressing myself,killing myself knowingly.
I told a friend(yes I never keep my problems to myself) what was going on, and everyday for the next month she held my hand. What???!!!!
Giving up on yourself can be the worst thing, wort feeling ever. If a baby were to give up because walking is too hard, how would it jump start itself again? It would rather give up. Right? That’s the hardest place to be. Someone would have to pick you up, watch you rise and let you fly.
Someone didn’t give up on me. She was God-sent. The marathon I had run in the year was so long, probably (un)worthy but in the long run I finished that race unwillingly. Funny right?
Fast forward to this year, I wanted a new leaf. It started so positively that no negative vibe could kill me. Amen? My theme for the year was positivity only. Then I met a brilliant photographer, Jeri Muchura and I explained to her what I wanted my pictures to represent.
She gave me a story that I can now tell my kids and grandkids. She made me glow. All that I was feeling on the inside, showed on the outside.
No more negative thoughts,only positive vibes live here. Yes I forgave myself, I have moved beyond that. I am happy. Yes I fought, yes I held on, and yes someone picked me up.